Inspired by Choir

Today I decided to go to ward choir. What an experience! I learned so much about singing in 20 minutes than a whole life's worth of sacrament meetings put together. Here are some rules of singing for those of you who may not share my same abilities as a singer.

1.T/B does not stand for Tuberculosis
Well it turns out that T/B stands for tenor/bass. There are two separate parts for the males in the choir to sing. It's a good thing I was sitting next to Dylan MacFillen, or else I would have imitated a tuberculosis patient when it came time for that part.

2. Don't upset the director
It'll be the last thing you ever, ever do. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. You can't disrupt the hierarchy, it's too dangerous. A coup would be suicide. You try to leave, but you just get captured right back in.

3. I make a great 1st chair bass.
It turns out that the rest of the bass players were absolutely horrible, so I automatically got designated first chair, probably in part due to my fabulous vowels (to be discussed later). I was the only bass player that found a way to sing the girl's part a few octaves lower, all the other ones were making horrific attempts to harmonize or somethin' stupid like that. Who needs harmomy, anyways?
...But it turns out that they don't even have "chairs" in choir, that just made me first chair so that I would feel good

4.If you don't got the fingers to be a singer, don't even bother.
I was completely unaware before tonight that there is a direct correlation between singing ability and finger shape. How you determine if you have singer's fingers is to put them in a scissors shape, and hold them up to your mouth. This is to properly execute what is known as a "vowel." If your fingers are as wide as your mouth, you're good to go, good luck! If your fingers are wider, than it means either one of two things. You're naturally gifted, or you have no hope. I apparently have wide fingers, so naturally the boss accused me of not being a good singer. However, I personally believe that I have similar finger shape to the likes of Pavaratti and Andrea Bocelli.

5.Some people actually like singing and take it seriously.
Like its fun for them. I'm dead serious right now. Like there are people that take time out of their day for singing and get borderline offended if you don't share that same enthusiasm. whoops.

6. There are three lines of music. You do not sing all of them consecutively, but rather, you pick one line and read that same line throughout. (i.e. sing lines: 2,5,8,11,14 and NOT 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 etc...)

7. Knowing the words to the song does not mean you know the song:
When the boss asks you, "ok, who knows this song?" you cannot simply read through the words and say that you know it. You have to know the words that go with it. Stupid, I know, but singers like to have there own way of doing things.

If any of you are thinking about joining ward choir, I recommend going for a day, than dropping it like it's Kearl's econ class (even though me, Nick and Caleb are goin' to work in that class right now). Even though it's pass/fail, ward choir (MUS 998) is extremely tough (note the high number).