This Ice Cream Tastes Like the Truman Show

Although I can't explain it in concrete terms, the Dairy Products in Utah taste bad to me. They do. This is no knock on the great state of Utah. I have enjoyed the last 8 months or so. I just miss the sweet taste of milk. In short, I miss this.

After reviewing this problem with many of my closest friends and consiglieres, we have come up with two schools of thought regarding the nasty-taste-in-my-mouth-caused-by-Utah-dairy-products-quandry. My opinions land firmly on one side of this debate. See if you can tell which theory I agree with.

1) It could be that there is something involved in the creation/processing of the dairy products in Utah that just doesn't sit right with my taste buds. Perhaps some sort of chemical or preservative that is just ever so tiny. Other people don't notice this difference, but it sticks out to me because of my superhuman senses.

2) My life is a small scale version of Peter Weir's 1998 film The Truman Show and when I'm not looking, a camera crew poisons all of the dairy products I am about to eat.

I think it's pretty obvious that only one of these results is plausible. So let me just say that to every member of the secret camera crew ruining my dairy experience, I will do this to every one of you if my dairy products don't start to taste better right away.